Saturday, May 29, 2010

Love and Grape Jelly



“God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.  ~St. Augustine

We were in a hurry.  We were late for school.  I was rushing and pushing and striving and, well maybe-just a little, yelling.  I had woken up as Drill Sergeant Mom and was fully committed to the role at hand. 

Xander was making his breakfast toast.  Gluten free brown rice bread with soy free, vegan butter spread and Welch’s grape jelly.  A big, giant, brand new, did I mention full? glass jar of grape jelly. 

“Come on, guys. We are going to be late for school! Let’s move!”
“I’m coming, Mom!” Xander exclaimed as he put the lid back on the jelly and shifted the giant jar to his left hand to open the fridge. I turned to give him the “don’t-sass-me” look, and time froze. In the painfully slow motion instant where you just know what is about to happen and are powerless to stop it I watched the giant, glass jar of jelly teeter in his hand and-

fall
to
the
floor.

The dull spl-thwack of the jelly glass snapped the space-time continuum back into full speed.  I leaped into action as I watched tiny shards of glass spray across the floor- lifting Xander and swinging him out of the blast zone.  As I sat him down, I looked into his eyes. Tears were streaming down his face. With huge, remorseful eyes he looked up at me.

“Mama, I am so sorry. I have made such a big mess, and it’s all sticky and it was a brand new jar and now we’re late and it’s all my fault…”

You know what my first reaction to his repentant heart was? Was it, I can’t believe you made such a mess? Or clean this up right now? Or even an exasperated sigh and when will you ever learn?

It was none of those things.

Upon seeing his heartbreak and repentance, I melted. I immediately gathered him in my arms and held him. Loved him. Soothed him.

“Aw, Baby…it’s ok. We’ll clean this up together. Everything will work out just fine. Ok?”

Sniffing back the last of his tears as he started to calm down, “Ok…”

And then, “Mom…I love you.”
“I love you, too, Baby.”

I just want you to hear this one thing-
God loves you like that.

With Mama-soothing-her-broken-hearted-baby-love.

I have lived a good deal of my life with a voice of accusation that I sadly labeled as God. Always believing that He sent his son for US to cover our sins, but, in some way never fully understanding that Christ came FOR ME…FOR MY SINS…and that nothing that I do could ever change the fact that He loves me so much that He would lay down His crown, put on our icky man clothes, walk among us on this fouled planet, innocently die a horrific, tortured criminal’s death bearing up under the weight of all the sin that ever was and will be, conquered the grave and ROSE AGAIN (He’s alive, my friends- isn’t that the most amazing thing?)…HE LOVES ME that much- and HE LOVES YOU that much too.

The moment that jar of jelly hit the ground, and I looked into my son’s eyes and saw his despair at what he done, and I felt the immediate, instinctive reaction to soothe that despair, to forgive that mess he had created, to forget it. In that moment, God changed my entire understanding of grace and forgiveness.  

He spoke His word to me, “And now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..” Romans 8:1

I knew that God loved me like that- no, beyond that. That as long as I have a truly repentant heart about the mistakes of my life, God is stirred to soothe. To forgive. TO FORGET. It is the promise he makes us. I knew that the accuser of my soul was not my Lord, my Savior, but an enemy.  The enemy.  There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. He speaks to us with words of love, and joy and encouragement. 

Thank you, Jesus for ransoming my heart on the cross. Thank you, Lord for rescuing my heart with a broken jar of grape jelly! I love how you use the tiniest of moments to teach us truth….Keep teaching, Lord. I am listening.

What small moment has God used to teach you about His love?

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Guest Post- The Goodest Mom


Beth's words about being "real" reminded me of a time when I ran across a diary from years ago that I'd tucked away. I was having one of Those kinds of days when I found it. I'd pretty much blown it as a mother that day and was feeling very low.

One entry in particular caught my eye.  It was dated August 19, 1997.  Our son, Grayson, was only three and a half, and our girls were still in grade school.  It read,
Today as I pulled Gray in the wagon to meet Lauren after school, he said to me, “Ya know, Mom, you’re da goodest mom I evah seen!”

I laid the diary down and pictured that boy as he used to be in his little denim overalls, with wispy blonde hair, blue eyes and pudgy fingers hanging on to the sides of the red Radio Flyer.  I instantly got a lump in my throat.  Not just for the sweetness of that time in life, but for the journey that has been Motherhood for me.

When I started out as a new mother, I was filled with awe and a sense of destiny in being Someone’s Mom.  And while I’ve never really lost that awe, the reality of raising children amidst the stresses of life has sometimes knocked the stuffing out of me.  There have been days, like the day I found the old diary, that I’ve felt failure closing in around me.  I couldn’t seem to do anything right, and I’ve wanted to give up on the whole business of parenting.

But those simple words from long ago made me remember what it means to be a Mom.  I’m never going to get the prize for “Bestest Mom.”  I rarely get ahead of the laundry and my meals are one-skillet-wonders, not gourmet creations.  I’m often forgetful and impatient, distracted and disorganized.  My kids know what it’s like to wear mismatched socks and eat breakfast cereal for dinner.

But “Goodest Mom.”  Now, that’s something, there.  Goodest Mom means that even if you’re not June Cleaver, you’re still just the kind of Mom your kids need.  It means that God knew what He was doing when He put your family together.  It means that your kids feel loved and that they know they belong to this little operation you’ve got going on.  There’s something warm and accepting about the Goodest Mom label.

Maybe it helps not to be called the “Worstest Mom,” but being in the Goodest category means that a Mom doesn’t have to be perfect to raise great kids.  The passing of time has given me perspective on those years of hard work, family fun and even the self-doubt.  I’ve experienced the mystery of prayer, the challenge of working things out and the beauty of grace in an imperfect family. 
I’d love to go back in time for just a moment, so I could tell myself to lighten up a little bit.  To stop worrying about being the Bestest, and just work on being the Goodest.   Our kids haven’t needed Perfection, they’ve just needed Real.  And maybe in the end, that’s what being the best kind of Mom is all about.

Today I’m going to celebrate the good things that have happened in our family, and I’m going to embrace the imperfections that keep us dependent on a faithful God.  I’m going to enjoy knowing that, in spite of everything, my kids still think I’m the Goodest Mom.
I’m grateful for the journey and awed by the privilege.

Rachel

How about you? Will you embrace the imperfections and grace that today will bring? Listen, God didn't made any mistakes when He put your family together...YOU are the Mom your kids need. Enjoy being "Goodest" and leave the rest to Him.

Rachel Ann Ridge started blogging about creating a home sanctuary a few years ago and discovered a whole new world online.  What she found was a wonderful community of readers and friends that she loves to "meet" with each day. Home Sanctuary is where you'll find her when she's not up on a ladder with a paint brush, or here at Going Beyond.